10 Mostly Worthless Facts Odd Ways to Get Arrested Edition
1. A woman was arrested for dropping an f-bomb in a Galveston County, Texas, Wal-Mart. The charges were later dropped due to insufficient evidence. What we learned here is there are no snitches at Wal-Mart.
2. 46 year-old Elvis Alonzo Barrett of Palm Beach, Florida, ended up with 50 traffic citations after trying to evade police. The violations included allegedly possessing crack cocaine, running a red light, hitting another car, fleeing the scene of an accident, and evading officers of the law.
Odds are good that Elvis will not leave the building after that mess.
3. Paul Wood was arrested after ending an argument with his wife by chucking the family cat at her face.
The cat was OK, his marriage was not.
4. Richard Nunez of Portsmouth, New Hampshire, was in a feud with a neighbor in his apartment building about a noise complaint. What was his solution to the problem? Super-gluing the other guy's front door shut.
Seems like a peaceful solution to us.
5. 25 year-old Darnell Frazier of Minnesota isn't real bright. After being pulled over by the cops and asked for his ID, he lied and told the cops his name was Darnell Lewis. The problem was he had a tattoo on his neck in plain sight that said "Darnell Frazier." The cops arrested him on four misdemeanor warrants, including driving after license revocation, driving after suspension, and no proof of insurance. He also had several felony warrants for his arrest, including probation violation.
The neck don't lie, Darnell!
6. Rev. Robert Whipkey of Colorado was busted for jogging naked around the local high school's track. Whipkey said, "I'm a heavy man and wearing clothing while running makes me sweat profusely."
We thought that was the point of goin' jogging.
7. A Milwaukee County man was arrested for shooting his lawn mower. "It's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want," Walendowski told police.
All we wanna know is if he spared the weed-eater. Those things are expensive!
8. A Florida doctor dressed as Captain America during a local pub crawl was busted for groping a woman who refused to touch the burrito he had stuffed down the crotch of his costume. He was also popped for trying to flush a joint he had hidden in his costume down the toilet at the police station.
Nothing good can come from stuffing your pants.
9. Barnstable, Massachusetts police arrested Allahmanamjad Barbel after his sister playfully put handcuffs on him at a birthday party and couldn't get them off. Police removed the cuffs and then, after running his name through the computer, discovered several outstanding warrants and immediately re-cuffed him.
10. Kathleen Cherry, 53, was arrested for DUI in Carson City, Nevada. She is a phlebotomist working on contract with the sheriff's office and was driving to the jailhouse to administer a blood test to a DUI suspect.
The staff speaks and you listen. It's that simple. This month's question is:
Hollywood is running short on creativity these days and has been assaulting our senses with a glut of movies that rip off sucessful television shows. Which old boob toob show that has yet to be turned into a big screen production would you most like to see in a theater?
Man, there are so many, how do I decide? I was going to go with B.J. and the Bear but I remembered that show really sucked and if I need to watch a guy and a monkey I'll pop in Any Which Way But Loose. So I guess I would like to see Magnum P.I. made into a movie. That way I can see Magnum and his boys, Rick and T.C., make fun of Higgins again. Hopefully Magnum will still beat up on Robin Masters' 308 GTS Ferrari.
After an extensive internet search and reflection into my childhood, my final conclusion is that no TV show remains that I would like to see turned into a big screen production. Anyone who knows me very well would not be surprised by this answer, for I indeed lack enthusiasm for most TV shows and movies in general.
Mike: I would scarf down imitation butter-flavored popcorn for a few hours while watching James Garner wheel his gold Firebird Esprit, and con his way through another case as a P.I. in a Rockford Files movie, even if the dude is like 90 years old.
Andy: It's got to be Gilligan's Island for sure. That show had it all—a select group of individuals all with different personalities and backgrounds thrust together to co-habitate a small island with apparently limitless natural resouces. Not to mention that two of the three chicks were hot! Here's the new cast as I would have it:
Gilligan = Ben Stiller
The Skipper = Seth Rogan
Mary Ann = Megan Fox
Ginger = Eva Mendez
Thurston Howell = Donald Trump
Lovey Howell = Kim Cattrall
The Professer = Me
You'll notice that I would take the role as The Professer. Call me crazy, but Ginger and Mary Ann were always hugging up on him in the series. I could have a fun time on an island with Megan Fox and Eva Mendez. I think that's probably why they never got off that friggin' island.
Obscure Vehicle Code Of The Month
Well, we’ve run out of slang terms so we’re moving onto something even better: vehicle codes that hopefully you’re not violating. If you are, take this as a warning.
Vermont Statute 3212: Attempting to elude a law enforcement officer on a snowmobile
An operator of a snowmobile shall bring the snowmobile to a stop and not attempt to elude a law enforcement officer when signaled to do so by a law enforcement officer wearing insignia identifying him or her as such, or operating a law enforcement vehicle or snowmobile sounding a siren or displaying a flashing blue or blue and white signal lamp. (Added 1983, No. 212 (Adj. Sess.), § 2; amended 1993, No. 234 (Adj. Sess.), § 16, eff. Nov. 1, 1994