Since the dawn of time, mankind has been competing, whether it's for food, water, or the affection of the fairer sex. It was only natural that we took this innate need to one-up each other to the road, which eventually spawned the birth of racetracks. Racetracks attracted street racers, and these days manly men even make a living by out-driving and out-tuning each other, which means that racing is legit and cool. If you're a wannabe racer, you should probably bone-up on the art of drag racing before giving it a shot in your truck. This will save you some embarrassment when you screw up. The Sport Truck staff is a generous lot, so we are imparting some of our own racing tips for free, and we know you like free stuff so enjoy this guide to sneaky race secrets. Remember, if you ain't cheatin' then you ain't racin'.

1. Sandbag
Pick a slower competitor and then only go fast enough to beat him by a little bit so that you can keep on beating him when he asks for a rematch. He will ask for a rematch if he's got any sort of pride.

2. Stalk
Don’t be the first guy down the track. Watch everyone else run and then pick on an easy target. Avoid other racers that look like they know what they are doing, or have better equipment than you have—like tires that aren’t bald. Driveshaft hoops and roll cages are instant clues to a truck that probably goes faster than yours, so avoid those trucks like a chick with an s.t.d.

3. Bargain
Always ask for more than you really want and ask for the move. Make the other guy chase you. A chase is a race.

4. Just Floor It
On computer-controlled trucks, fight the urge to "power brake” at the starting line because the computer will pull back the engine's ignition timing advance, which cuts down on power. You are better off just sitting there and then stabbing the gas pedal when it's time to launch.

5. Cheat
And by cheat we mean use any possible method to gain a competitive advantage, whether it’s hiding a nitrous system in your truck or just jumping the gun at the starting line.

6. Purge
Get down to your race weight. Fat guys need bigger pockets and better engines to win against skinny guys, so put you and your truck on a diet. Take a laxative the night before a race to purge your system and then take out anything inside the cab of your truck that doesn’t need to be there. That huge box with 12-inch subwoofers in it isn’t going to win any races; it’s just going to slow you down. Also, racing with a full tank of gas is a no-no. Only run with a quarter tank of gas, which is just enough to keep the fuel pickup covered during the holeshot.